Sometimes it can feel like a lot of pressure and responsibility to know that we create our life and allow our desires from within. Well, okay, it can turn into a lot of pressure when things are not going like we expected or wished for. Because when what we create has a visible positive outcome, it can make you feel like you have wings lifting you up, so there is no weight on your shoulders from any ego-based standpoint.
And while some say to never expect anything, when we work on something, we do expect a certain result, from our work, from our vision, from our desired outcome. For example, right before I wrote this, I was thinking how yesterday became a pivot point day in my business, because I have been working at some project for over two years now which I presented to a publisher few months ago, and while a first email was very promising about the work and presentation, an email came in yesterday letting me know that it did not meet their 2022 publishing target.
My reaction could have gone both ways: feeling totally desperate and depressed because I gave my all to this project, and 10 years ago it was a dream of mine to partner with them, or, well, to be honest I could not follow the other way either, even if I knew what it was and positive; so I decided to stay in the middle to not give any weight on any side simply because I did not want to get on any emotional roller coaster. You know like when you are tired and do not want to get on any more rides and just go home? That’s how I felt.
Yes, I thought of all the visions and visualization that felt so real, yet suddenly so wrong. How can something feel so real yet so wrong at the same time?
And I thought about my responsibility in creating. And it hit me!
Higher Consciousness is the one creating and expressing through me. It is Source or God or Higher Consciousness’ responsibility to create, and “my only responsibility” is to allow it and connect within. My only responsibility is to connect within. I kept repeating it to myself. My only responsibility is to connect within.
And why did it hit me? Because that’s all I wanted to do. And I knew it was the right thing to do. I wanted to sit still and be. I did not want to follow any thoughts, not the negative but also not the positive ones. I did not want to see any ego standpoint, but I also did not want to pursue other positive options that I already had in mind. I just wanted to connect within to sit still and be and let it be, to let go and let God like in the expression.
Not because I was giving up. Not because I was not knowing what to do. Not because I did not have another very cool plan for it waiting for me to get to it. Not because I realized that choosing them was my “how” from a dream I had 10 years ago thinking it was still accurate. Not because that email was setting me free from a personal bond that I have created with that partnership dream keeping it alive in my psychic atmosphere. Not because I was mourning that dream. Not because I knew I was freeing myself from that limitation. Not because I wanted some comfort in this ego-based negative moment that wasn’t a real negative one. Not because I wanted to understand any whys. Not because I could not see other outcome and not because it was an issue.
Simply because I knew my “only” responsibility was to connect within before doing anything; because I was fully aware that it was the Divine Consciousness’ responsibility to express through me my full abundance of everything, knowing my needs and my plans and my desires.
I mindfully felt that I was on the right path, and that it was there, and only there by willingly going to sit down and have a beautiful silent moment not even asking anything within knowing anyways that I was going to see our right next action, not mine, but ours… Source and mine. I just wanted to sit still with Source without talking.
Today I know exactly why this partnership did not work, because my goal for this project is beyond their spectrum so I would have put limit on it. My goal is not just an audience it also contains a lot of personal other goals that could have not been possible with this “how” to make it seen.
See, my expectations were on the ‘how” in choosing them as my “how”, because it was an easy way for my project; and because I know better than my ego-games, when the email came in, I saw that I have been choosing the how and the Universe said, okay if you insist, we can help you at least make it so great that when the news come in, you will be fully prepared for our “how”. 🙂 And what at first has never been a how to me was totally a how that I decided from a dream I had 10 years ago.
One thing that is great though is that being stubborn like I am- yes, I am very flexible, but yes very passionate when it comes to my dreams, I am happy now that I can put this experience behind because I would have always thought about a what-if, if I would have not tried it with them.
Something that was different yesterday about this experience and meditation and stillness that followed, is that I was fully aware that I was letting go and letting God, knowing that I was doing the right thing despite how stressful this day was, despite the fact that my ego wanted me to have a clear plan in all areas of my life.
I did it! I trusted with zenitude while fear was waiting for me at the door. I took my only responsibility and oh boy it was hard for a split second, knowing that guilt, fears, doubts were waiting at the door, but I did it. I became responsible and they all left.
Yes, having faith is not an easy task because the ego can make it so hard, but we can do it; when we allow ourselves to do it. When we commit to our mindfulness journey, it gets easier and easier to trust within and trust our Self.
If you are new to my blog, because I know new people signed up for the email and there are new followers (I am so really grateful that you take the time to take the time to join me), today I am inviting you to read from the first article and read your way up, because each article is a little light switch helping you on your mindfulness journey and life path until you find your own light switch. There are more than 400 something light switches to turn on at your own pace. You can start with the Dreamer’s journey blog even though you have found your own light switch because there is always a little wisdom triggered when we read something, or we remember something that we forgot that made us feel good.
Remember to breathe in, let go of your ego-based thoughts and vision, see from your Soul and Love Out.
Dr. Nathalie 😊
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