I think the hardest part during a Self-Realization journey is when you start losing faith in yourself, when you lose trust in yourself. Not in your skills and capacity, but in your trust of hearing the inspirations and following your intuition that you have been “mastering” for a long time-or so you thought.
When you grow up spiritually, if I can say it this way, it is normal to learn to trust yourself as you grow and learn. It is normal to learn the difference between what is coming from within and when it is the ego interfering so quickly that it looks like it is the original idea you received but it isn’t. That is a normal and beautiful, sometimes very long stage of Self-Realization.
As you go along with your learnings and practices, with your meditations and prayers, with your self-talk and Inner conversations; as you go along with your life, there comes a time when you can master that and fully collaborate with your Self, your Higher Self, with Source.
And then might come a day when you start losing trust in yourself and it is part of the journey. It is part of the beautiful Self-Realization journey. You might not know it, but it is another stage to go through.
This is the part that can come in you following your intuition and your inspirations one after the other, and you find yourself not doubting you heard right, but also not seeing any flowers blossoming from them all. You have tended to your garden, planted seeds and yet, the beautiful trees are growing without any flowers showing. And after many seeds and many seasons of tending to your garden, you still keep following your inspirations and trusting your intuition as they come, until one day you lose that trust even if you follow up on them. There is Inner peace in following them, but there is also a sense of incomprehension of the timeline.
That day when you realized that you might not trust yourself anymore is the day you realized that you might have followed some of your ego patterns and ways. And all that was okay. After all we are spiritual beings into physical beings living human experiences and using our physical senses to expand. But something happened. That day is when you realized that you are trying to pull the petals from their buds before the next winter comes.
And then it can look like this…
- I don’t trust myself anymore. I don’t think I can.
- Because you need to trust me.
- okay, I get that, but I thought I did.
- You did, but you also counted on yourself.
- Trust me. Okay trust me. I hear you. Trust you to what? To?
- To nothing. to everything.
And this is when you start, not making your ego your ally as it can be and it was, but you start deepening your trust with your eyes closed and your Inner eye open. You start living on an Inner Self timeline. There is a beautiful nuance in this step from the ones before when you started trusting your Higher Self, your Inner Self, your intuitions, and inspirations. The nuance is in the feeling that your timeline has changed therefore making everything clear and okay again.
I invite you to start reading this blog with the first article that was published April 8, 2019 and you can read your way up. Enjoy your reading!
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